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The Art of Kid Whispering: Connecting with Adult-Wary Youth.
by Jamie C. Chambers Monty Roberts is a real life "horse whisperer" who creates connections between horses and humans. This article extends these concepts to the challenge of connecting with guarded, distrustful youth. Humans can be either fight or flight animals;
because of our make-up, we are constantly deciding
whether we are predator or prey, whether
flight or confrontation is the most prudent course.
--Monty Roberts
Horse Sense for People
equine therapist
Billy comes to mind: 15 years old and hardened by a life with parents addicted to drugs and self-centeredness. He was unwilling to connect with or be touched by an adult, dressing himself in the black protection of a gothic. He wore that dark mysteriousness like a well-chosen perfume and it worked. Most adults were either annoyed or frightened by his professed fascination with death and killing. As a young supervisor, my staff asked me--or I should say challenged me--"let's see you engage Billy!" Unfortunately, I confirmed Billy's perspective of youth workers. I figured and figured and then strategically released him from our program--unchanged and unaffected. Based on the accomplishments of some other youth workers, let's look at the kids you and I both relate to every day. See if you can find your "Billy" in the following paragraphs. These seven profiles are compilations of the work of Nicholas Long, Frank Fecser, and Mary Wood (2002) with Life Space Crisis Intervention, along with the work begun by Sullivan, Grant, and Grant (1957) and further developed by Carl Jesness (1957, 2003): 1. New Tools, Aggressive Type: These are young people with no social or affective skills and who tend to be negative toward authority figures at home and school. As students they tend to be negative and pessimistic, with low motivation levels and only minimal awareness of their own anger and frustration. They are more prone to blame others, and accuse others of being hostile toward them. Under stress their behavior can be seen as aggressive, unbearable, and obtrusive. 2. New Tools, Passive Type: These are also young people with no social or affective skills, giving the appearance of being negative toward authority in both home and school. They are different in that they feel disliked and unable to cope. They tend to have little understanding or insight while remaining unrealistically positive or optimistic. They tend to be seen as nonconforming, inappropriate, and even a little bizarre. They are students who, under stress, withdraw due to poor verbal aptitude. They complain of anxiety and somatic symptoms. 3. Gullible, Follower Type: These are power and control kids who usually have positive attitudes toward authority both at home and school. They get into trouble because they tend to be dependent or "followers." They are uncritically open and accepting, naive and trusting of others, often despite evidence to the contrary. They struggle with low levels of hostility of which they are usually unaware. 4. Negative Peer, Follower Type: These youth are interested in power and control, but usually are low in motivation and poor achievers at school. These young people usually have negative attitudes with authorities at school. Consequently, in the school context, they feel alienated, distrusting, and hostile. They tend to minimize problems, using denial as their primary defense. These young people also have low anxiety about negative behavior. 5. Negative Leader, Manipulation Type: These are the most sophisticated of the power and control types. These kids were observed to be somewhat cocky, cynical, uninhibited, and non-anxious. They show generally positive attitudes toward school authorities and relatively positive self-esteem. These are young people insulated by pride and the ability to manipulate both adults and peers. 6. Oppositional, Acting-Out Type: These are youth with above-average verbal aptitude, behavior problems in school, and negative attitudes toward school authority. They are self-professed, tough, no-nonsense kids who may feel somewhat disenchanted and "mixed up." They tend to be angry and easily angered. These are kids with hassles everywhere, both school and home, and they can be observed to be provocative. 7. Introspective, Acting-In Type: These are kids who are generally positive in school, usually prone to shyness, nervousness, and low self-confidence. They usually do not perceive themselves to be well-liked and they are prone to blame themselves for their problems. They are observed to be conforming, dependent, anxious, insecure, and somewhat perturbable. These kids tend to be non-delinquent in orientation, and experience all kinds of interpersonal conflicts. Experience shows that these seven profiles can be grouped ...
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