Please Madonna, Your Thighs Are Great but It's Time to Put Them Away

Article excerpt

Byline: By CLAIRE HILL Western Mail

I've spent the weekend examining Madonna's thighs. Well, not just her thighs but her lycra-clad body, exercised to within an inch of its life, with sinewy arms that would look best on the cover of Men's Health. Obviously it wasn't on my weekend check list: Clean house; get food shopping; examine Madonna's thighs. But after a few hours watching Saturday morning TV, the video was on so many times I have scarring from the Queen of Pop's sequined leotard.

Yes, ladies and gents, she's in a leotard again - topped off with a Gucci bomber jacket, fake eyelashes and fishnet tights.

It's easy to criticise and say she looks like mutton dressed as lamb.

But mainly she just looks desperate for cool approval.

I can imagine school plays with Mads and Guy in attendance. There's little Lourdes dressed up as a flower (symbolising life, in a non-denominational way) and the rest of the parents are clapping politely. But not Madonna, oh no. She's standing on her chair with one leg over her head, clapping her hands furiously in a prayer position to the sky... cos she can.

Lourdes meanwhile has learnt to avoid everyone's eyes and twist her Kabbalah red string while muttering silent prayers of, 'Stop it, mother.'

It's the same with her new video for Sorry. There's Madonna having a wicked party with some kids in a disused building, covered in chicken cage wire. …