Athletes, Dancers Don't Mix

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Let's talk for a moment, if it doesn't make you too uncomfortable, about the problem of ED.

I'm not talking about Mike Ditka's ED, I'm talking the Other ED - exotic dancers.

They're in the sports news again this week. Indeed, the accusations of an exotic dancer have caused Duke University to temporarily suspend operations in men's lacrosse, pending the outcome of a police investigation. The dancer claims she was hired to perform at an off-campus team party but was pulled into a bathroom, held down, beaten, choked and raped.

Apparently, the Blue Devils, national runners-up a year ago and highly ranked again this season, don't spend much time reading the paper - or even watching SportsCenter. If they did, they would have heard, just a few months ago, about the Minnesota Vikings and their ED escapades on Lake Minnetonka. The repercussions of the Vikes' Voyage of the Damned are still being felt, but suffice it to say they have a new coach, a new quarterback and a new code of conduct.

All because of a few lap dances (and other assorted activities).

It's bordering on an epidemic, this ED thing. Exotic dancers are so important to the esprit de corps of some teams, it seems, that they should probably be listed in the media guide - right after the team chaplain and team psychologist. Remember the infamous Colorado recruiting scandal a couple of years back? Exotic dancers. Remember that whole Gold Club business down in Atlanta, the one that involved Terrell Davis and about half the NBA? Exotic dancers.

But it's not just athletes who are succumbing to ED. Mike Price, newly hired Alabama football coach, became Mike Price, newly fired Alabama football coach, after an exotic-dancer episode in Pensacola, Fla. Ah, for the simpler times of Morganna the Kissing Bandit. Morganna, whose endowment rivaled Harvard's, never caused anybody any trouble. She just did her thing - running on the field to smooch sports figures - and went back to her strip club. No muss, no fuss, just a quick buss.

Nowadays, though, exotic dancers seem to bring only rack and ruin - to careers and personal lives. …