Believe Eldrick? Sorry, No

Article excerpt

Random inklings concerning Tiger Woods' media event Friday:

* Sorry, didn't believe him. Too scripted. Too choreographed. Too robotic. Too many purposeful stares into the camera. Too many calculated inflections to emphasize particular points. Too many pauses for effect.

As mom used to tell us, "It's not what you say it's the way that you say it." Woods' words were all right but the delivery all wrong.

Categorize the performance as bad acting from someone the tabloids exposed as a bad actor.

* Just to clarify, sir: Sorry for cheating or for getting caught? Trying to save a marriage from collapse or half a fortune from divorce?

* Here's a 3-step program for Woods to follow if he really wants to rehab his lifestyle.

First: Drop the nickname. Along with playing a kids' game for a living, the "Tiger" persona is license for an adult to remain a child.

It's time to grow up, Eldrick.

Second: Pledge to be invisible everywhere but the golf course and family room.

Watch TV with the kids instead of appearing on it with product in hand. No more commercials for golf balls, soft drinks, razors, automobiles or anything else. Enough money always is enough; enough family time rarely is.

Third: Fire the enablers who built your false image and now are trying to rebuild it. They were co-conspirators in your downfall.

The cure is as easy as 1-2-3: 1. Faith; 2. Family; 3. Finally, fairways.

* How many husbands watched Woods and thought, "But for the grace of God, there I go. …