I've Done My Research and Surveys Are Load of Twaddle

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Byline: Shari Low

NOW that the Botox has worn off, there are many things in life that make my brow furrow in confusion.

The laws of physics. The point of Nick Clegg. Celebrities who are barely pregnant but already talking about losing their post-baby weight. Latin. Why wee boys view soap, toothpaste and shirt collars as the work of Satan. Kerry Katona's decisionmaking processes.

But after consulting with a carefully chosen group of friends, acquaintances and folk at the nearest bus stop, there's another enigma on the list - the modern day obsession with surveys.

I want to track down the person who invented Family Fortunes and subject him to a few …