Her Outdoors: `How Could You Not Want to Go?'

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It's my last weekend on this out-of-the-way New Zealand island where I've been visiting family; my choice is between spending it at the local Steiner school's fundraising fair, which will represent all too accurately a cross-section of the island's "alternative" populace, or at a housewarming party for a modernist palace in the hills, the sort of place James Bond might pop into for a quick shootout and a spot of vodka and seduction. The main temptation of the Steiner bunch is the billboard advertising the fundraiser that sits proudly by the wharf. It reads: "Fossil Bay Farm Cuntry Fair." I mean, how could you not want to go?

But, seeing as I need to ease myself back into …