WHAT are you doing this weekend? I'm thinking of going down Elysium to see if I can get a shag. I might be seven months pregnant but I don't think it'll matter: footballers will do it with anyone. My maternity pay could do with a top-up. Think how much I could get. "Pregnant hack" is more of a page-turner than "underwear model", that cliched old punchline for which we already know the plot.
As eight of the world's top models flaunt their naked fork prong forms on the cover of Love magazine, at least Vanessa Perroncel is an antidote to the idea that you have to be thin and gorgeous to make money out of your body. Nope: all you have to do is offer it up to the most famous man you can muster, and Max Clifford will do the rest.
Powerful men have always been surrounded by groupies. But where Anita Pallenberg was lucky to bag a backing vocal on a Stones track, your modernday groupies -- euphemistically called Wags -- can expect to launch a whole career. At best, she'll get pregnant (generous, life-long child maintenance is such a help with the bills) or even married (the golden prize): at worst, she'll either have her silence bought or her story brokered to the highest bidder. It's a win-win situation. What have you got to lose except your reputation? And with such huge financial incentives, who cares about morals? Society doesn't, or it wouldn't reward the immoral so highly. Unless we ban the papers, the television and the internet, this is the lesson we are teaching our children.
It is fashionable among the middle classes to scoff at women who make money lying on their backs but which has better prospects: bedding a footballer, or three years' studying Classics at university? …