Hey, Detroit: Welcome to the Club

Article excerpt

Byline: Mike Freeman

Once again we are under attack, portrayed as hayseeds, blistered for being bumpkins.

A fellow column scribe named Mark Kiszla wrote the following late this week in the Denver Post: "America's premier sporting event should never, ever be staged in Detroit or Jacksonville, Fla."

Oh, boy. Here we go.

The city of Jacksonville was bashed pre-Super Bowl, during the Super Bowl, post-Super Bowl and now post, post-Super Bowl. There are two things you can set your clock to: Some wannabe sophisticate thumping our city, and reruns of Road House appearing on TNT at three in the morning.

"I'm sorry," continued Kiszla, who obviously owns vacation homes in Paris, London and Geneva. "But any city that requires mention of its home state in the dateline or forces tourists to wear a parka in February doesn't cut it for Super Bowl consideration."

Kiszla's other requirements for a city to host the Super Bowl: gold bouillon and foot massages for every football reporter.

Kiszla was not the only person that apparently had Jax on the brain. The Jaguars message board was aflame recently with indignant chatter about a former NFL player blistering of Jacksonville on the HBO football extravaganza Inside the NFL. He supposedly portrayed us as backwater, fried-biscuit-eatin' cretins.

I missed the show. Must have been stuck in that heavy horse and buggy traffic on my way to square dancing lessons. Yee-haw!

With Super Bowl XL just a short time away, I would like to welcome the city of Detroit to an exclusive club: the few, the proud, the bashed.

The game has not even arrived yet and you are already a charter member.

Oh, yes. You will get slapped upside the head.

And good. …