As president of the Procrastinators Club of Clay County, the 1999 meeting is hereby called to order.
What's that? It is no longer 1999?
Yes, we know it is not 1999, but as the name indicates, we are always a year late on everything. So, without further ado . . .
What now? Oh! You say it is not even 2000 anymore? Nooooo! That can't be right. Why, just yesterday we were wrestling with Y2K, the false end of the millennium, etc. The year 2000 can't be over yet, can it? We haven't fulfilled all of our resolutions for 1999, much less 2000.
Alas, it is true. The much-maligned 2000 has come and gone, and some might say, not a minute too soon. In truth, could we have stood much more of what the year had to offer?
-- Predictions of a doomsday on Jan. 1, 2000, when all the two-digit computer clocks in the world would refuse to recognize the double aught and cause chaos. Only now are we having to deal with some of those problems, such as the 105-year-old woman who received an invitation to a kindergarten open house when the computer misread her age as 5 years old.
-- Storm troopers, at the behest of Gen. Janet Reno, burst into the highly fortified stronghold of 6-year-old Elian Gonzalez and wrestled the illegal immigrant away from the arms of his aunts and uncles so he could be reunited with his godfather, Fidel Castro. Oh, yes, and his father. Television coverage of the controversy pre-empted Oprah a couple of days and would rival that of another controversy later in the year.
-- Naysayers pooh-poohed [Don't you just love that word? …