I am a 29–year-old Asian single mother. I was involved in the sex industry beginning in the early summer of 1994 in Lawton, Oklahoma. I started out as an exotic dancer and worked my way up. My name was Jules when I was in the industry. I am including it here because I want my clients to know what I really felt about them.
Before this turn took place in my life, I was a child who had abuse and ridicule written all over my face. I was abused by my prominent family who went to church every Sunday, followed every rule in the Bible and were excellent hard-working citizens of the United States. Why would anyone want to believe that abuse can exist in such a child's life?
As years went on, I was known as the 'Ugly Duckling'. I would open pages of Playboy magazines and wish that I could be as beautiful and powerful as I thought these women were. Unlike most teenage girls, I was a tomboy. I stayed to myself, had very few friends, and I was a virgin. This was one thing I wanted to hang on to, to prove to my family—and especially to myself—that I wasn't this whore they thought I'd turn out to be. I wanted to believe that I was not a 'toy' for men.
In May of 1994 I was everything I should have been: a young girl, not known for cursing in her language, a virgin. Boys weren't a big issue for me. I went to mass when I was told, and most of all I was engaged to the one young man I had loved for nine years, my high school sweetheart.
Things went smoothly up until the evening of June 7, 1994, when a friend of mine encouraged me to do something spontaneous. At that time, my family and I were living in Chickasha, Oklahoma, about two hours from Lawton. That night my friend and I met up with two guys, one of whom was a taxicab driver. I had very low self-esteem, and nobody had taught me about dating. I just took my insights from movies and assumed that men were cordial and respectful. That night, my friend and the guy she left with disappeared on me, leaving me with a man I knew nothing about. It was hot that evening, and he stated that he was going to go to a hotel. As innocent as I was, and with the mind of a twelve-year-old, and knowing nothing about sex, I agreed to stay with him at the hotel, believing that he was not a bad guy.
That evening I was raped. My world, my thoughts, and my self-esteem changed. My boyfriend at the time broke up with me after I mentioned the
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Publication information: Book title: Not for Sale: Feminists Resisting Prostitution and Pornography. Contributors: Rebecca Whisnant - Editor, Christine Stark - Editor. Publisher: Spinifex. Place of publication: North Melbourne, Vic.. Publication year: 2004. Page number: 102.
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