Everybody Needs Loving Intimacy

The Washington Times (Washington, DC), November 16, 2008 | Go to article overview

Everybody Needs Loving Intimacy


Byline: Julie Baumgardner, SPECIAL TO THE WASHINGTON TIMES

It seems like every time I turn around, someone is talking with me about how much they crave intimacy in their marriage, but they have no earthly idea how to go about getting what they want and need.

I recently heard Sue Johnson, author of Hold Me Tight, speak on this very topic. Her words were profound and thought-provoking.

According to Mrs. Johnson, the director of the Ottawa Couple and Family Institute and professor of clinical psychology at the University of Ottawa, intimacy - the need to be held and to be soothed while staying in the loving arms of another - goes from the cradle to the grave. We are all born with this vulnerability, and one of the very real issues of your most meaningful love relationships is how you deal with it. Do you deal with it in a way that pulls people close or pushes them away?

Interestingly, one of the most distressing things Mrs. Johnson said she sees as a therapist is when she asks a client if they could imagine asking their partner for the deep reassurance they need. The response is usually, No I couldn't do that because I am not supposed to feel that way. That means I am not acting like an adult, that I am immature, weak and have some kind of problem.

How sad. Based on the latest research, this statement could not be further from the truth. How in the world are we to connect and create intimacy with the person we love if we can't talk about what we need?

Whether it is out loud or only to themselves, people young and old alike are constantly asking questions such as:

Do you love me?

Do I matter to you?

Will you come when I call?

Am I valued and accepted by you?

Of great concern to Mrs. Johnson is the fact that more and more people are living in couple relationships in isolation, putting enormous pressure on the spouse to meet all these emotional needs. As emotional isolation is more the order of the day, we are building societies in a way that has nothing to do with how we are wired.

Over time, society has sent the message that there is something wrong with needing other people. Yet Mrs. Johnson says research consistently shows it is in our DNA to need someone to depend on, a lover, one who can offer reliable emotional comfort. …

The rest of this article is only available to active members of Questia

Sign up now for a free, 1-day trial and receive full access to:

  • Questia's entire collection
  • Automatic bibliography creation
  • More helpful research tools like notes, citations, and highlights
  • Ad-free environment

Already a member? Log in now.

Notes for this article

Add a new note
If you are trying to select text to create highlights or citations, remember that you must now click or tap on the first word, and then click or tap on the last word.
One moment ...
Default project is now your active project.
Project items

Items saved from this article

This article has been saved
Highlights (0)
Some of your highlights are legacy items.

Highlights saved before July 30, 2012 will not be displayed on their respective source pages.

You can easily re-create the highlights by opening the book page or article, selecting the text, and clicking “Highlight.”

Citations (0)
Some of your citations are legacy items.

Any citation created before July 30, 2012 will labeled as a “Cited page.” New citations will be saved as cited passages, pages or articles.

We also added the ability to view new citations from your projects or the book or article where you created them.

Notes (0)
Bookmarks (0)

You have no saved items from this article

Project items include:
  • Saved book/article
  • Highlights
  • Quotes/citations
  • Notes
  • Bookmarks
Notes
Cite this article

Cited article

Style
Citations are available only to our active members.
Sign up now to cite pages or passages in MLA, APA and Chicago citation styles.

(Einhorn, 1992, p. 25)

(Einhorn 25)

1

1. Lois J. Einhorn, Abraham Lincoln, the Orator: Penetrating the Lincoln Legend (Westport, CT: Greenwood Press, 1992), 25, http://www.questia.com/read/27419298.

Cited article

Everybody Needs Loving Intimacy
Settings

Settings

Typeface
Text size Smaller Larger Reset View mode
Search within

Search within this article

Look up

Look up a word

  • Dictionary
  • Thesaurus
Please submit a word or phrase above.
Print this page

Print this page

Why can't I print more than one page at a time?

Full screen

matching results for page

Cited passage

Style
Citations are available only to our active members.
Sign up now to cite pages or passages in MLA, APA and Chicago citation styles.

"Portraying himself as an honest, ordinary person helped Lincoln identify with his audiences." (Einhorn, 1992, p. 25).

"Portraying himself as an honest, ordinary person helped Lincoln identify with his audiences." (Einhorn 25)

"Portraying himself as an honest, ordinary person helped Lincoln identify with his audiences."1

1. Lois J. Einhorn, Abraham Lincoln, the Orator: Penetrating the Lincoln Legend (Westport, CT: Greenwood Press, 1992), 25, http://www.questia.com/read/27419298.

Cited passage

Welcome to the new Questia Reader

The Questia Reader has been updated to provide you with an even better online reading experience.  It is now 100% Responsive, which means you can read our books and articles on any sized device you wish.  All of your favorite tools like notes, highlights, and citations are still here, but the way you select text has been updated to be easier to use, especially on touchscreen devices.  Here's how:

1. Click or tap the first word you want to select.
2. Click or tap the last word you want to select.

OK, got it!

Thanks for trying Questia!

Please continue trying out our research tools, but please note, full functionality is available only to our active members.

Your work will be lost once you leave this Web page.

For full access in an ad-free environment, sign up now for a FREE, 1-day trial.

Already a member? Log in now.