An Apology of a Column. for Which We Are Truly Sorry ; by Sir Paul McCartney George Bush Tim Henman the IRA Madonna Michael Grade Kate Moss Vladimir Putin and John Prescott
Last week Tony Blair nearly said sorry for the slave trade. Chris Joseph has uncovered some other apologies which haven't quite happened yet.
Sir Paul McCartney
Arright? Okay? Great! Eeeeh, I just wanna say sorry, like. To me fans. To me family. To everyone who remembers Linda fondly, like. I've learned the error of me ways. I am deeply - deeply ashamed. And, 'ow d'yer purrit, chastened. I've learned me lesson. I will never, ever, ever release an album like Ecce Cor Meum again.
George W Bush
I wanna 'pologise - right here, right now - to the Merkin people. I wanna 'pologise for mis-underestimatin' their hostility to Merkin servicemen and women getting uh, uh, embroilered in a foreign conflict. Even though it was a fundamental - I repeat, fumdanemtal - part of the war against terrrr and the forces of evil arrayed aginst us. But the Merkin people have spoken, and it is my doody to smell what they taste. I mean hear what they say.
So I wanna 'pologise for havin' appointed Donald Rumsfeld as seckertary of state. That was my fault, and I hold my hands up to it! If Donny... Donald... Rummy had kept me properly informed I would never have involved the great Merkin public in a war on Iraq. I woulda invaded Iran. But as my daddy useta say, two Irans don't make Iraq.
I'm still rubbish. Sorry you ever thought otherwise.
We're sorry we never got Desert Orchid. We knew where he lived and his death as part of the armed struggle would have struck at the heart of the British Establishment. Not that this statement should in any way be construed as detrimental to the power-sharing agreement which is currently hanging in the balance due to the intransigence of loyalist. …