Call Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Kington, Miles, The Independent (London, England)
Yesterday I brought you extracts from an amazing High Court case in which the judge, both counsel and the defendant are ALL masons. Not only that, but the defendant, who is charged with attempted murder, is a real mason, ie a stonemason. My local Masonic Lodge has implored me not to reveal any more secrets of the Grand Order, but their bribe was not nearly large enough to tempt me, so I am bringing you more of this sensational case today.
Judge: Just a moment, just a moment, Mr Minghella. Are you trying to say that you are a proper mason and we are not?
Defendant: I certainly am. You call yourselves Masons. I am a mason. Take the Elks and Buffaloes. The Elks and the Buffaloes call themselves elks and buffaloes, but that does not make them elks and buffaloes. Judge: It's not really as easy as that, is it? I mean, you could say that it was a matter of cognition. Defendant: Cognition? That's not a real word. That's the kind of word they use on Melvyn Bragg's Start The Week! Judge: Bear with me a moment. Does an elk know he is an elk? No. He has no concept of elkness. "Elk" is simply a term applied to him by humans for their own use. But a member of the order of the Elks knows that he is an Elk. From that point of view the man is an Elk but the animal is not an elk. Defendant: That's quite clever. Judge: You don't get to be a judge by being stupid. Defendant: No. You get to be a judge by being a Mason. Judge: There are a great many Masons who are not judges. Defendant: That is statistically irrelevant. Judge: Well spotted. Incidentally, would you like to hear a Masonic joke ? Defendant: Do I have any choice ? Judge: No. Here it is. Which West End shopkeeper was not a Mason ? Defendant: I don't know. Which West End shopkeeper was not a Mason? Judge: Fortnum! Defendant: That's not very funny. Judge: It is if you are a Mason. We all stick together, you know. And that includes laughing at each other's jokes. Defendant: Not true. Judge: How do you mean, not true? Defendant: We …
Questia, a part of Gale, Cengage Learning. www.questia.com
Publication information: Article title: Call Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart . Contributors: Kington, Miles - Author. Newspaper title: The Independent (London, England). Publication date: March 27, 1997. Page number: 22. © 2009 The Independent - London. Provided by ProQuest LLC. All Rights Reserved.
This material is protected by copyright and, with the exception of fair use, may not be further copied, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means.