Let Them Eat Pumpkin Spice Cookies: Isn't Teresa Heinz Kerry Rich!

By Hays, Charlotte | The American Spectator, October 2004 | Go to article overview
Save to active project

Let Them Eat Pumpkin Spice Cookies: Isn't Teresa Heinz Kerry Rich!

Hays, Charlotte, The American Spectator

A CAMPAIGN STOP IN ARIZONA LAST AUGUST 9 offered an eerie glimpse of the couple that could be the next to occupy the White House. There was tall John Kerry, standing at the very edge of the Grand Canyon precipice, urging his reluctant spouse to join him. "Come on, darling," he seemed to repeat, as he reached in vain for her hand. "No, I'm not going," said an adamant Teresa Heinz Kerry, hiding behind at least one park ranger and clinging for dear life to her plastic water bottle. Of course, she explained it was her vertigo. But you could kind of tell she was not about to be forced into a version of Terry-Kerry.

The trauma left its mark. Hours later she was overheard crying "Hello, Nevada!" to a crowd of perplexed Arizonans.

Although John Kerry is running to become le président des Etats Unis and not le roi, he must be feeling a pang of sympathy with Louis XVI, another Gallic leader whose looselipped wife proved a distinct, if not lethal, liability to his political career. In fairness to Marie Antoinette, it must be noted that she didn't actually say some of the damaging things attributed to her. For example, she never said, "Let them eat cake." Those damning words were put in her mouth by Rousseau, the Paul Krugman of his day. On the other hand, Teresa Heinz Kerry did publicly disavow her own pumpkin spice cookie recipe to both the New York Times and National Public Radio.

Recipegate began when Laura Bush's oatmeal-chocolate chunk cookies were beating the dough out of Teresa's pumpkin spice cookies in Family Circle magazine's quadrennial first lady cookie bake-off. This led Heinz Kerry to denounce the recipe that had been submitted in her name, claiming that a member of her staff "made it on purpose to give a nasty recipe." She insisted that somebody was trying to give her a pie in the face by submitting a recipe that neither she nor her chef had ever tried.

The average homemaker, confronted with such a problem, would simply shrug and say, "Quel dommage." She'd then repeat the sentiment in five or six languages, and that would be the end of it. But nothing is too small to irk Teresa, who turned the pumpkin spice fiasco into a news story, darkly hinting that a Vast Servants Conspiracy was out to destroy her. Then again, she is well positioned to know what her staff thinks of her.

As of this writing, the irrepressible Teresa has been repressed, presumably by a campaign that realizes that, after the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, Teresa is one headache it can do without. She has been in seclusion for several weeks. But, if we know our Teresa, she will eventually surface, climbing her way out of the Grand Canyon, or wherever the campaign has ditched her, to reclaim her rightful place in the spotlight.

The evolution of Teresa Heinz Kerry is one of the more curious in American political history-she is our first potential Democratic first lady who might just as well have been a Republican first lady. She was married to Sen. John Heinz, a Republican from Pennsylvania and great-grandson of food magnate Howard Heinz. m Heinz was killed in a plane crash in m 1991. She inherited a fortune variously estimated as between $500,000 and $1 billion. A Los Angeles Times story put it at $3 billion. As a philanthropist, Heinz Kerry has supported trendy left-wing causes such as John Kerry. As head of the Heinz family's philanthropic foundation, she's poured around $4 million into the Tides Foundation, an umbrella organization for sundry far-left groups. She has also worked tirelessly to rebuild Pittsburgh in the image of Paris instead of Mozambique.

SHE MET KERRY AT AN ENVIRONMENTAL RALLY in Brazil (and she still called herself a Republican?) and was smitten. Kerry was relatively penurious-who isn't, compared to Teresa?-but he was quite the ladies man, and the ladies were invariably tony. Among his pre-Teresa girlfriends was Emma Gilbey, of the eponymous English gin firm and the sister of James "Squidgy" Gilbey-she's now married to New York Times editor Bill Keller, in a stunning conflict of interest.

The rest of this article is only available to active members of Questia

Sign up now for a free, 1-day trial and receive full access to:

  • Questia's entire collection
  • Automatic bibliography creation
  • More helpful research tools like notes, citations, and highlights
  • Ad-free environment

Already a member? Log in now.

Notes for this article

Add a new note
If you are trying to select text to create highlights or citations, remember that you must now click or tap on the first word, and then click or tap on the last word.
Loading One moment ...
Project items
Cite this article

Cited article

Citations are available only to our active members.
Sign up now to cite pages or passages in MLA, APA and Chicago citation styles.

Cited article

Let Them Eat Pumpkin Spice Cookies: Isn't Teresa Heinz Kerry Rich!


Text size Smaller Larger
Search within

Search within this article

Look up

Look up a word

  • Dictionary
  • Thesaurus
Please submit a word or phrase above.
Print this page

Print this page

Why can't I print more than one page at a time?

While we understand printed pages are helpful to our users, this limitation is necessary to help protect our publishers' copyrighted material and prevent its unlawful distribution. We are sorry for any inconvenience.
Full screen

matching results for page

Cited passage

Citations are available only to our active members.
Sign up now to cite pages or passages in MLA, APA and Chicago citation styles.

Cited passage

Welcome to the new Questia Reader

The Questia Reader has been updated to provide you with an even better online reading experience.  It is now 100% Responsive, which means you can read our books and articles on any sized device you wish.  All of your favorite tools like notes, highlights, and citations are still here, but the way you select text has been updated to be easier to use, especially on touchscreen devices.  Here's how:

1. Click or tap the first word you want to select.
2. Click or tap the last word you want to select.

OK, got it!

Thanks for trying Questia!

Please continue trying out our research tools, but please note, full functionality is available only to our active members.

Your work will be lost once you leave this Web page.

For full access in an ad-free environment, sign up now for a FREE, 1-day trial.

Already a member? Log in now.

Are you sure you want to delete this highlight?