Hail to Thee, Okoboji U! A Humor Anthology on Higher Education

By Mark C. Ebersole | Go to book overview

The Final Final Exam
A SENTIMENTAL EDUCATION
David Newman and Robert BentonThe things you really learn in college have very little to do with academic subjects. You learn to be on your own, how to cope with women, how to grow up, how to stop making a fool of yourself and things like that. The classic cliché is "finding yourself." Whether you have gone or are now going to college, have you found yourself? Or are you still looking? When old alums look back on college days with that sentimental gleam in the eye, they don't remember the dates of the War of the Roses. One doesn't feel that pang in the heart over a Chem. exam once aced. No, what one remembers fondly is college life: learning about girls, getting away from home and testing his wings, being exposed to brilliant teachers for the first time, living with strangers who became friends. And all that good old bushwa. Here is a test on the important aspects of college life, then. Take it and see where you stand. But no cheating, or you'll be expelled from life itself.
Test One: School Spirit
This is a MULTIPLE CHOICE. test. Pick the answer that best completes the statement. Think before you answer. Do not trust your first impulse. Anyone who trusts his first impulse hasn't found himself yet.
1. Now that you are President of the student body, you should
a. call the Dean of Men by his nickname.
b. write the Governor of the state that you will be looking for a job next year.
c. ask your daddy for a bigger allowance.
2. Now that you are a cheerleader, you should
a. get a haircut.
b. stop asking the coach if you can play.
c. kill yourself.
3. Now that you are in a fraternity, you should
a. stop talking to foreign students.
b. learn a trade.
c. get out.
4. Now that you are center on the basketball team, you should
a. take a bribe.

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