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Love and Approval

The happiness and well-being of children depend on the de-
gree of love and approval we give them. We must be on the
child's side. Being on the side of the child is giving love to the
child--not possessive love--not sentimental love--just behav-
ing to the child in such a way that the child feels you love him
and approve of him.

It can be done. I know scores of parents who are on the side
of their children, demanding nothing in return, and therefore
getting a lot. They realize that children are not little adults.

When a son of ten writes home, "Dear Mommy, please send
me fifty cents. Hope you are well. Love to Daddy," the par-
ents smile, knowing that that is what a child of ten writes if he
is sincere and not afraid to express himself. The wrong type of
parent sighs at such a letter, and thinks: The selfish little beast,
always asking for something
.

The right parents of my school never ask how their children
are getting along; they see for themselves. The wrong type keep
asking me impatient questions: Can he read yet? When is he
ever going to be tidy? Does she ever go to lessons?

It is all a matter of faith in children. Some have it; most
haven't it. And if you do not have this faith, the children feel
it. They feel that your love cannot be very deep, or you would
trust them more. When you approve of children you can talk
to them about anything and everything, for approval makes
many inhibitions fly away.

But the question arises, Is it possible to approve of children
if you do not approve of yourself? If you are not aware of your-
self, you cannot approve of yourself. In other words, the more

-117-

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Publication Information: Book Title: Summerhill: A Radical Approach to Child Rearing. Contributors: A. S. Neill - author. Publisher: Hart Publishing. Place of Publication: New York. Publication Year: 1960. Page Number: 117.
    
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