started dreams about the dispute of the Russian men [ Khovansky and Golitzin]--just as I felt easier. Man has always been a big belly, man is a belly and always will be a belly, so what's the use. Well, therefore, Musoryanin, to work!
14 October, 1875
Little dove of mine, a really serious thing has happened,--I was all but choked with a bronchitis. I bore it stoically, took all kinds of palliatives, but today I called Doctor Carrick. Calomel and digitalis,-- this means it's serious. Now I'm a little better, thank God. As soon as I'm well--I shall show myself to you, little dove of mine. Oy-oy, it was pretty bad. For more than a fortnight! I sent a report to the office. Music--nothing doing--is silenced. Carrick, however, calmed me. He is a specialist in respiratory organs. Yes, my own, in all respects it's too bad about October 10. My kindest thanks to you, little dove. With all my might I kiss your little hand for the portrait.39 Ach you, my own.
[ October? 1875]
MY DEAR LADY,
I thank you from my heart for your kind concern. I hope to be well soon and to see your dearest family; but only the phrase, to cease loving, is not in my disposition, and there is, fortunately, no reason for this.40 This is what happened to me: I was running in circles; as I ran in circles I caught cold; catching cold I got sick, and getting sick I imagined that I could fight it with natural methods--it didn't work out; well, it resulted in calomel and digitalis. Now it's better. I kiss your little hand and I beg you to caress the children for me. I send my sincere greetings to Cesare and to Yuli Yuliyevich [ Hubner]. Once more "hearty thanks."