What the plague, have you no bowels for your own kindred? Odd's life! do you take me for Shylock in the play, that you would raise money of me on
|your own flesh and blood?||275|
CHAS. SURF. Nay, my little broker, don't be angry: what need you care, if you have your money's worth?
SIR OLIV. Well, I'll be the purchaser -- I think
|I can dispose of the family. -- [Aside.] Oh,||280|
CARE. Come, Charles, what keeps you?
CHAS. SURF. I can't come yet. I'faith! we are going to have a sale above -- here's little Premium
|will buy all my ancestors!||285|
CARE. Oh, burn your ancestors!
CHAS. SURF. No, he may do that afterwards, if he pleases. Stay, Careless, we want you; egad, you shall be auctioneer -- so come along with us.
|CARE. Oh, have with you, if that's the case.||290|
SIR OLIV. Oh, the profligates!
CHAS. SURF. Come, Moses, you shall be appraiser, if we want one. -- Gad's life, little Premium, you
|don't seem to like the business.||295|
SIR OLIV. Oh, yes, I do, vastly! Ha! ha! yes, yes, I think it a rare joke to sell one's family by auction -- ha! ha! -- [Aside.] Oh, the prodigal!
CHAS. SURF. To be sure! when a man wants money,
|where the plague should he get assistance, if||300|
End of the third Act.
Picture-room at CHARLES'S.
MOSES, and CARELESS.
CHAS. SURF. Walk in, gentlemen, pray walk in! -- here they are, the family of the Surfaces, up to the Conquest.
SIR OLIV. And, in my opinion, a goodly collection.
|CHAS. SURF. Aye, aye, these are done in true||5|
|ent of you; so that you may sink the original and||10|
|SIR OLIV. Ah! we shall never see such figures||15|
CHAS. SURF. I hope not. Well, you see, Master Premium, what a domestic character I am -- here I sit of an evening surrounded by my family. But
|come, get to your pulpit, Mr. Auctioneer --||20|
CARE. Aye, aye, this will do. But, Charles, I have ne'er a hammer; and what's an auctioneer
|without his hammer?||25|
CHAS. SURF. Egad, that's true. What parchment have we here? (Takes down a roll.)* 'Richard, heir to Thomas' -- our genealogy in full. Here, Careless, you shall have no common bit of ma
|hogany -- here's the family tree for you, you||30|
SIR OLIV. [aside]. What an unnatural rogue! -- an
|ex post facto parricide!||35|
CARE. Yes, yes, here's a list of your generation indeed; -- faith, Charles, this is the most convenient thing you could have found for the business, for 'twill serve not only as a hammer, but a catalogue into the
|bargain. -- But come, begin -- A-going, a-going,||40|
CHAS. SURF. Bravo, Careless! Well, here's my great uncle, Sir Richard Raviline, a marvellous good general in his day, I assure you. He served in all
|the Duke of Marlborough's wars, and got that||45|
|and regimentals, as a general should be. What||50|
MOS. Mr. Premium would have you speak.
CHAS. SURF. Why, then, he shall have him for ten pounds, and I am sure that's not dear for a staff-
SIR OLIV. Heaven deliver me! his famous uncle Richard for ten pounds! -- Very well, sir, I take him at that.
CHAS. SURF. Careless, knock down my uncle
|Richard. -- Here, now, is a maiden sister of his,||60|