an end would have seemed to him criminal leniency
toward one so sinning. He was a stern, unsmiling
man, and hated all forms of precocity. If I had said
some of the things I have referred to, and said them
in his hearing, he would have destroyed me. He
would, indeed. He would, provided the opportunity
remained with him. But it would not, for I would
have had judgment enough to take some strychnine
first and say my smart thing afterward. The fair
record of my life has been tarnished by just one pun.
My father overheard that, and he hunted me over
four or five townships seeking to take my life. If I
had been full-grown, of course he would have been
right; but, child as I was, I could not know how
wicked a thing I had done.

I made one of those remarks ordinarily called
"smart things" before that, but it was not a pun.
Still, it came near causing a serious rupture between
my father and myself. My father and mother, my
uncle Ephraim and his wife, and one or two others
were present, and the conversation turned on a name
for me. I was lying there trying some India-rubber
rings of various patterns, and endeavoring to make a
selection, for I was tired of trying to cut my teeth
on people's fingers, and wanted to get hold of some-
thing that would enable me to hurry the thing
through and get something else. Did you ever notice
what a nuisance it was cutting your teeth on your
nurse's finger, or how back-breaking and tiresome it
was trying to cut them on your big toe? And did
you never get out of patience and wish your teeth
were in Jericho long before you got them half cut?

-277-