order, desirous of ascertaining the correctness of the experiment,
suddenly arrested the arm of the professor, just at the moment that
the bucket was in its zenith, which immediately descended with
astonishing precision upon the head of the philosopher. A hollow
sound, and a red-hot hiss, attended the contact; but the theory was
in the amplest manner illustrated, for the unfortunate bucket per-
ished in the conflict; but the blazing countenance of Professor Von
Poddingcoft emerged from amidst the waters, glowing fiercer than
ever with unutterable indignation, whereby the students were mar-
velously edified, and departed considerably wiser than before.

It is a mortifying circumstance, which greatly perplexes many a
philosopher, that Nature often refuses to second his efforts; so that
after having invented one of the most ingenious and natural theories
imaginable, she will have the perverseness to act directly in the teeth
of it. This is a manifest and unmerited grievance since it throws the
censure of the vulgar and unlearned entirely upon the philosopher;
whereas the fault is to be ascribed to dame Nature, who, with the
proverbial fickleness of her sex, is continually indulging in coquetries
and caprices; and who seems to take pleasure in violating all philo-
sophic rules, and jilting the most learned and indefatigable of her
adorers. Thus it happened with respect to the foregoing explanation
of the motion of our planet; it appears that the centrifugal force has
long since ceased to operate, while its antagonist remains in undimin-
ished potency: the world, therefore, ought, in strict propriety, to
tumble into the sun; philosophers were convinced that it would do
so, and awaited in anxious impatience the fulfillment of their prog-
nostics. But the untoward planet pertinaciously continued her
course, notwithstanding that she had reason, philosophy, and a whole
university of learned professors, opposed to her conduct. The philos-
ophers took this in very ill part, and it is thought they would never
have pardoned the slight which they conceived put upon them by the
world, had not a good-natured professor kindly officiated as a mediator
between the parties and effected a reconciliation.

Finding that the world would not accommodate itself to the theory,
he wisely accommodated the theory to the world: he informed his
brother philosophers that the circular motion of the earth round the
sun was no sooner engendered by the conflicting impulses above
described, than it became a regular revolution, independent of the
causes which gave it origin. His learned brethren readily joined in
the opinion, heartily glad of any explanation that would decently
extricate them from their embarrassment--and ever since that era the
world has been left to take her own course, and to revolve around the
sun in such orbit as she thinks proper.

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