Off the Record

Article excerpt

Byline: BY PAT ROLLER

MARGARET THATCHER has been haunting the papers again lately, this time because her former Chief Whip, Tim Renton, is flogging his memoirs.

TimWho? as he will henceforth be known has revealed that the Milk Snatcher once referred to John Major as, 'As much use to her as the skin on a cold rice pudding'. Most people thought there was more of a resemblance to a blancmange cold, wet, bland and quivering but there you go.

It all goes to show that the art of the political insult isn't what it used to be.We prefer this description of a 1960s Richard Nixon speech from former president Lyndon B. Johnson: 'I may not know much, but I know chicken s ** t from chicken salad.'

Or, from the 70s, this description of Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Fraser by opposition politician Paul Keating: 'You look like an Easter Island statue with an ass full of razor blades.'

Our favourite, though, is sadly anonymous: 'Politicians and nappies have something in common.They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.'

BROTHEL owners in Romania,never ones to missa trick,have started putting up official-looking road signs like this one to give drivers plenty of notice that there are prostitutes further along the road note the symbol on the right depicting a female.The alternative could be Lay--Buy Ahead.

THE news that squaddies were made to tidy up in Basra before a visit by Defence Secretary Geoff Hoon came as a surprise to observers. …