It's a Man's World; PETERBOROUGH

Article excerpt

Byline: PETERBOROUGH

A STORE that sells husbands has just opened where a woman can go to choose a future life partner from among many men.

The store is comprised of six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

However, there is a catch. As you open the door to any floor, you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to leave the building.

So a woman goes to the store to find a husband, and on the first floor the sign on the door reads: 'Floor One - These Men Have Jobs.' The woman reads the sign and says to herself: 'Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up.' The second-floor sign reads: 'Floor Two - These Men Have Jobs And Love Children.' 'Great,' thinks the woman, 'but I wonder what's upstairs.' The third-floor sign reads: 'Floor Three - These Men Have Jobs, Love Children And Are Extremely Good-looking.' Excited, she goes up to the next floor.

The fourth-floor sign reads: 'Floor Four - These Men Have Jobs, Love Children, Are Extremely Good-looking And Help With The Housework.' 'Wow!'

exclaims the woman, 'very tempting - but there must be more further up!' The fifth-floor sign reads: 'Floor Five - These Men Have Jobs, Love Children, Are Extremely Good-looking, Help With The Housework And Have A Very Strong Romantic Streak.' 'Oh, mercy me,' the woman shrieks, 'but just think what must be awaiting me further on.' So up to the sixth floor she goes.

And the sixth-floor sign reads: 'Floor Six - you are visitor 3,456,789,012.

There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at Husband Mart and have a nice day.' Mike Harris, Storrington, W. Sussex.

Sign language

SPECIAL DELIVERY: Spotted at the University of Southampton School of Nursing and Midwifery, by Quintin Gee of Southampton, Hants.

Wordy wise

PHILAUNDERER - gigolo who does his own washing.

Gus York, Wargrave, Berks.

BADVERB - popular with Messrs Ramsay, Rooney and Geldof.

J. E. Wood, Sheffield.

THOROUGHBREAD - superior loaf. …