Werewolves, Vampires and Rappers Go to War

Article excerpt

Byline: JASON SOLOMONS

Time was when you knew the rules: vampires died from stakes through the heart, daylight, Crosses and garlic; werewolves needed a silver bullet.

Not in Underworld: Evolution (12A *), which sees Kate Beckinsale put on her catsuit again in possibly the worst film franchise ever.

I hated the first Underworld. I remember Kate on top of a Gothic building, droning on about the war between werewolves and vampires, and lots of rain.

As the sequel opens she's still there and it's still raining.

The plot is impenetrable, the logic negligible. Underworld: Evolution is basically a video game of vampires and werewolves shooting, kicking, biting, scratching and stabbing each other. One gets sliced by helicopter rotor blades. Helicopters? I'm sure it says this is AD 1202 at the start.

At least Kate persuaded director husband Len Wiseman to hire jolly British actors (Steven Mackintosh, Bill Nighy) who declaim this ludicrous script as if they're doing a season at Stratford. I appreciated their conviction, just as I hope they appreciated the Hollywood pay cheques. …