Yin and Yang of Government and Politics

Article excerpt

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Events around the world would lead the rational to worry about the fate of the planet. What with global warming, immigration foibles, US. Attorney firings, innocent Duke lacrosse players, Paris getting forty-five then twenty-three then getting out then going back in, convictions of high-level officials, and the resignation-under-pressure of the Attorney General, and the list goes on. But the ancients knew long ago that there are two sides-the yin and the yang of life. To help our readers, we offer a side-by-side listing of the opposing perspectives of events:

Hillary is leading the Dems     Hillary is leading the Dems

Iran is nuclear                 Korea hates Persians

Social Security                 We live with rich parents at sixty-five

Immigration bills               Family reunions are on the rise
War spending not capped         Bureau of Engraving and Printing busts
                                productivity targets printing  more
                                money

Passport delays in middle of    Balance-of-payments deficit declines
travel season

An Inconvenient Truth wins      Gore's five-thousand-square-foot home
awards                          burns

Ford lays off ten-thousand      Toyota hires twelve-thousand
workers

Balance of payments with        Sales of Buicks in China are at all-time
China are at all-time low       high

Cheney goes hunting with a      The friend doesn't die
friend

Redskins lose half their        Dan Snyder spends more than Dennis
preseason games                 Kozlowski for a new water boy

Barry Bonds hits 756 and        Hank Aaron is unavailable for comment
surpasses Hank Aaron

O.J. Simpson publishes a book   Proceeds go to the Goldman family
                                (Wait, this already happened!!)

Dow Index dropped 3 percent     Rupert Murdoch is buying the parent
in two days in March            company

Ratings are significantly       LeBron James proves one man can carry a
down for the NBA finals         team to the heights

Taxes are reduced               Government revenue increases (Laffer
                                laughs at last)

Cost of government at           Contracting out at all-time high
all-time high

Real estate has collapsed       Homes are now affordable

The Iraq surge is ineffective   Victory is declared

Historic drought in Florida     Hunting licenses for alligators are at
                                all-time high

Marion Barry back in the        He is arrested on a DUI charge
spotlight

No Child Left Behind declared   Students failing to progress to next
a fraud                         grade at all-time low

New York mayor announces for    Split NY loyalties guarantee no one
2008 presidential race          from that state will win. Forty-eight
                                states rejoice. California fears it is
                                next

Other presidential candidates   Remaining candidates don't need a 747
start dropping out              to get to the next debate

Al Gore announces for the       His move is offset by another actor
race                            from Tennessee

"The Sopranos" ends its final   Or does it?
season

Reality TV shown to cure a      Ratings soar in Blue States
bleeding heart

Tiger Woods's wife has their    Child's handicap is posted at 12
first child

The Boston Red Sox are in       Sorry, Washington fans; the Nats can't
first place                     say the same

The University of Florida       Number of student-athlete graduates
chess team wins yet another     increases by a factor of five
national                        championship for the school

The NFL starts counting Super   Worldwide advertising revenue declines
Bowls in Arabic numerals        30 percent

Kobe Bryant is traded by the    Wizards are wisely not interested at
Lakers                          his request

The only woman president of a   Two worst decisions in history are
professional sports franchise   added to the Guinness Book of World
resigns to go to law school     Records

Oil hits $90 a barrel           People stop driving and the Middle East
                                becomes a footnote in history

Rupert Murdoch buys the Wall    Live bulls and bears block the Holland
Street Journal                  Tunnel in protest

Florida moves its primary to    Florida Republicans cry alligator tears
late January. …