In the Middle Ages People Lived in Mud Huts with Rough Mating on the Floor

Article excerpt

OVER the years, parents and teachers have been shocked by pupils' examhowlers. There are the classic mistakes, such as the belief that Hitler's firstname was 'Heil'. Now a collection of outrageous clangers (some seem completelyunbelievable, but the author insists they are all drawn from real exams andessays) has been compiled in a new book. Here is a selection of the worst . ...

SCHOOL DAYS WE had a longer holiday than usual this year because the school wasclosed for altercations.

All teachers at our school are certified.

The headmaster caned me only on rear occasions.

Our school is ventilated by hot currants.

BOOKS AND WORDS A FAIRY TALE is something that never happened a long time ago.

In lbsen's Ghosts, Oswald dies of congenial syphilis.

Shakespeare married Anne Hathaway, but he mostly lived at Windsor with hismerry wives. This is quite usual with actors.

Homer wrote the Oddity. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by anotherman of that name.

John Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote ParadiseRegained.

An epitaph is a short sarcastic poem.

Poetry is when every line starts with a capital letter and doesn't reach theright side of the page.

Polonius was a mythical sausage.

Letters in sloping type are in hysterics.

Emphasis in reading is putting more distress in one place than another.

An abstract noun is one that cannot be heard, seen, touched or smelled.

GEOGRAPHY A CONSONANT is a large piece of land surrounded by water.

Britain has a temporary climate.

In some rocks there are to be found the fossil footprints of fishes.

The Andes are a race of people living in North America.

The principal exports of Sweden are hired girls.

The Dutch people use water power to drive their windmills.

HISTORY KING Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery.

The wife of a duke is a dukky.

Helen of Troy launched a thousand ships with her face.

Alexander the Great conquered Persia, Egypt and Japan. Sadly he died with nohair.

Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence.

Joan of Arc was burned to a steak.

Another Greek myth was Jason And The Golden Fleas.

Joan of Arc was Noah's sister.

Medieval people were violent. Murder during this period was nothing.

Everybody killed somebody.

Victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks.

The King wore a scarlet robe trimmed with vermin.

In the middle of the 18th-century, all the morons moved to Utah.

Louis XVI was gelatined to death.

Hitler's instrumentality of terror was the Gespacho.

POLITICS WHEN Caesar was assassinated, he is on the reported to have said 'Metoo, Brutus!' King John ground the people down under heavy taxis.

President Carter faced the 'Iran Hostess Crisis'.

The U.S.S.R. and the U.S.A. became global in power, but Europe remainedincontinent.

SCIENCE AND MEDICINE IF anyone should faint, put her head between the knees ofthe nearest medical man.

Methane, a greenhouse gas, comes from the burning of trees and cows.

A phlegmatic person is one who has chronic bronchitis.

A circle is a figure with no corners and only one side.

Al Chemy was a man who discovered chemistry. …