Bush as Belichick

Article excerpt

In his first Presidential summer, with the Crawford split-rail, photo-op fence behind him, George Bush, the science guy, squinted into the sun and announced his Just Say No to embryonic stem cell research. It was kind of lame.

In fall 2001, he was forced to take off his lab coat and put on his bombardier jacket to deal with terror cells, not stem cells.

Now, due to the enormous progress in Iraq (i.e., everyone has fled or is dead), our favorite political scientist has donned his white coat and wraparound safety glasses again and claims credit for the latest discovery in cell technology.

Picture a young Frankenbush surrounded by bubbling, billowing beakers in his secure lab down in Nixon's old bowling alley. With his trusty Mr. Wizard chemistry set, he adds four pluripotent genes. Eureka! Thanks to him, instead of using embryo cells, researchers can now use cells from human skin, especially if the skin is straight, white, and Republican. Researchers are already prospecting around plastic surgery sites in Palm Springs.

In Colorado, this discovery will free up the embryos needed for the Embryonic Personhood Ballot Initiative just approved by the state supreme court there. The arduous task of going door-to-door collecting thousands of signatures means they are going to need more blastocyte boots on the ground.

T he New York Times, an inch and a half narrower and yet still wide enough to carry Dowd and Brooks columns, reported and seemed to believe that the President had modest goals for his last year in office. …