Astrology Column Might Be Kinder If Pluto Were in the House

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Horoscopes for today, Aug. 22.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) - If you are an astrologer attending the "AstrologyAEs Value to Society and the Individual" international conference in Oak Brook, you will be disappointed by the clich horoscope gimmick used by a local newspaper columnist who questions the value of astrology, and then compounds his ignorance by warning that your unlucky numbers for the day are 12, 13, 21, 31, 33 and 34, so donAEt buy a lottery ticket with that combination.

All other Zodiac signs (Dec. 22-Nov. 22) u Today could be a day when you should avoid confrontations with squirrels, smile at women with umbrellas and realize the actions of every human being on Earth have nothing to do with the position of celestial bodies. Perhaps you can take up a new hobby by trying the Sudoku puzzle or learning what to do if South bids 1 spade, West passes and North bids 2 hearts.


The dozen astrologers kind enough to share time with me at this weekendAEs convention in Oak Brook are warned that IAEm a skeptic with a proclivity to mock. But, in the interest of getting some ink for their views, they tolerate me - up to a point.

"YouAEre not going to do any Uranus jokes, are you?" laughs Raymond Merriman, a financial astrologer who lectures on the art of using planetary cycles to predict markets.

Wow. His prediction prowess on the crude Uranus joke already orbiting around my brain forces an astronomical struggle in my head to find a suitably sophomoric replacement quip involving Pluto entering Virgo.

We do share one common view when it comes to astrology, however. None of us thinks those $15 fortune tellers at fairs or the daily zodiac horoscopes should be taken seriously.

"You canAEt divide the whole world into 12 groups," sighs astrologer Peggy Lance Little, a former president of the International Society for Astrological Research (, a group of 1,641 astrologers from 52 countries that recently began using lengthy and complicated tests to certify professional astrologers.

"This is the image bestowed upon us all our lifetime. …