Kagan's L Test

Article excerpt

Men have penises, women have penumbras. No, it's not some female sexual dysfunction, like book-larnin', and it's not the new street lingo for vagina.

But unless a woman is attached to a man, well, what can you say?

Spittle-lipped Chris Matthews, trying to compliment Nancy Pelosi on the passage of health care, said she learned everything from her father and brother.

When Secretary of State m. Clinton is described, the Bill is understood. Still.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

The unmarried, childless Condi Rice was off limits in some kind of weird three-way with W. and Laura. Maybe that was the gay marriage Laura now says she always supported.

Justice Sotomayor was married once, briefly. Phew.

Elena Kagan kind of maybe dated Eliot Spitzer, but she didn't inhale.

A woman without a man is baffling, a bicycle-less fish, or a lesbian. And by the way, lesbians can't get married. To each other anyway.

With the election of President Obama, it became the task of white, not black, people to talk about race; with Elena Kagan, it is now the task of everybody but her to talk about sexual orientation. For better or for worse, it's talk-amongst-yourselves time.

First, a couple of conversation pointers: like the old June pride chant, "gay" is good. "Lesbian"? Not so much. We were just getting to the point where people could say the word without spitting up, when young gay women dropped "lesbian" as too labelly, in favor of "queer" or "whatever, grandma." I, for one, am happy to hear "lesbian" again, and have enjoyed press secretary Robert Gibbs's version of the Seinfeld "not that that's a bad thing" episode.

Another clarifier for your dinner table conversations: Lesbians come out. Gay men are found out. Generally after an unseemly incident with a page, a rent-boy, DUI, tickle session, spiritual massage, etc. Gay uber pundit Andrew Sullivan has demanded the Senate Judiciary ask Kagan her sexual orientation at her hearings. …