Tinseltown: Where Everyone Is Jewish

Article excerpt

From "Woody" Allen Konigsberg to Issur "Kirk Douglas" Danielovitch, Jewish celebrities have changed their names to succeed in Hollywood. But did you know that, in fact, everyone in Tinseltown is actually Jewish? We open Tinseltown's "Goldberg files" ...

Morgan Freeman

Never one to shave his sagacious beard between Passover and Lag Boomer, the former "Murray Friedman" has proven his Hebraic bona fides by playing God, as well as providing the voiceover for countless documentaries. Who else but a Jew would spend an entire movie loudly telling you what you're seeing?

Tom Cruise

He's short, enormously wealthy and rumors abound that he and his wife have never had sex. He also belongs to a globally suspect religion whose membership dues escalate the longer you're a member.

Jennifer Lopez

What do you call a woman from a neighborhood near Riverdale whose proudest feature is her ample tuchus and who recorded a hit song called "Let's Get Loud"? You call her "Jew-Lo."

"The Smoke Monster" from Lost

He's spent centuries bearing a grudge against his brother Jacob, stays away from the Temple and is desperately trying to leave home just because his mother said he couldn't. …