V.I.P

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PUPPY LOVE (OR HOW OZZY OSBOURNE FINALLY TURNED INTO DONNY OSMOND)

Ozzy's biggest hit with Black Sabbath was Paranoid. It could have been written about the look on these puppies' faces after they were told of the bat-eating Prince of Darkness's taste for small furry mammals.

FOR THE LAST TIME, SMART ALECK, IT'S R-A-M-B-O. NOT R-I-M-B-A-U-D

Sylvester Stallone is on Rocky ground when the conversation with a studious-looking fan turns to tortured French poetry of the late 19th century. He thought they were discussing tortuous American action movies of the late 20th century.

STEP AWAY FROM THE BALLROOM, BRUCIE... IT'S TESS'S GIG NOW

Vernon Kay is given a Hunger Games look for Beefeater's Hungry Games promotion (geddit?). Or is he taking drastic action on wife Tess Daly's behalf after hearing 'arrowing rumours that Bruce Forsyth is planning a Strictly return?

LOOK WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN!

Yes, it really is TV presenter Cat Deeley underneath all that warpaint. …