The Impostor; after His Rousing Speech at Labour's Party Conference, Tony Blair Showed That Even Prime Ministers Sweat. So, Posing as a Deodorant Manufacturer, Our Impostor Called Downing Street with a Dry Solution

Article excerpt

Hello, press office.

Hi, Tim Arid of Premier Cosmetics here.

This is Downing Street, sir.

That's why I'm calling. We've developed an amazing deodorant we'd like the Prime Minister to sample.

He doesn't receive or endorse products.

We'll keep mum if he agrees to secretly splash our spray on all over. We wouldn't wish to highlight an embarrassing personal problem even Mr Blair's closest friends haven't yet dared tell him about.

Nevertheless, he wouldn't accept this kind of gift, thank you very much.

But judging by the tell-tale wet patches on his blue shirt at the Labour Party conference, he needs to change his deodorant fast. Don't you agree?

I can't comment on the Prime Minister's views on a subject like this.

Our product is a deodorant with a mission, to quote the PM himself. And our mission will keep him dry all day long. It comes in a Dome-shaped container, but don't let that put him off.

Are you intending to use this as some kind of promotion?

Not exactly, but if Mr Blair does give our deodorant his official warrant of approval, we'll change its name from Spin Doctor to Premier No 10. …