Men Are from Mars.; This Food-Sex Psychology Is Impossible to Swallow

Article excerpt

Byline: Mark McGivern

TOO much tuition can be bad for anyone with a hunger for learning.

Particularly if the tutor is one of those magazine mentors who strips bare every tiny move as they chart the perfect course in life and love.

I'm happy enough to go along with the wisdom that we are what we eat. I'm incredulous to be told that the kind of food I eat determines the kind of lover I might be.

I've just digested a pile of twaddle which make my own theories on food and fornication look like rocket science.

I seriously wonder about the credentials of the dieticians modified into "food sexperts" on telly and women's mags, such as Lesley Jones and Jenni Muir, whose work I find hard to swallow.

These gurus seems to be popping up all over the place - for instance, this week when they analysed the type of lover a man might be, depending on his choice of takeaway on the way home from a date.

I wondered if these experts have ever been in a pub beyond closing time. Or whether they have ever managed to pull in their life.

If so, I'm sure they must have scored on an empty stomach.

The "sexpert" and "connoisseur" produced a block of wisdom for each food genre, but I reckon I'm wiser.

For instance, an Indian eater is either "adventurous and up for anything" or "inconsiderate and selfish in bed", depending on which one I listened to.

I was advised that if the curry is crap, the sex will be too. …