Expert Advice on Love and Relationships. (the Ebony Advisor)

Article excerpt

`He married another woman, but really loves me. How long do I wait?'

Q I have a strange relationship with a guy I met in 1999. He was living with a woman and they have a child. This guy and I went everywhere and did everything together. We kept no secrets. Well, he turned around and married the women he lived with, but he didn't tell me. The day before he married her, he told me that he loved me. After he got married, I decided to leave him alone and move on with my life, but I could not really let go. He still calls and says he loves me. He has never disrespected me and treats me as if I'm the only one who exists in his world. He says I'm his only true love. His mother tells me to just stand by his side. But how long do I have to wait?

New York

A Exactly what are you waiting for? He made his decision when he married the other woman. Stop listening to him and his mother. Stop being a fool. He has disrespected you, and you are disrespecting yourself. As long as he can keep you at his beck and call, he will.

Q I was in my first-ever relationship and it lasted for three years. In the summer, I went to visit my boyfriend and found out that he didn't live there anymore. We were deeply in love, and we were planning to get married. I really want to find him so maybe we can hook up again. Sometimes I think if I hadn't moved to another city, our relationship would still be going strong. Please help! It has been one year and six months that I've been without love, and I'm still not over him yet. Please tell me how I can find him or tell me what I can do? He nicknamed me "Queen of Hearts," and I keep that name because of him. I miss him so. Please, please help me!


A You can forget about this long-lost love. If he wanted to be found, he would have contacted you. In fact, he would not have moved without telling you where he was going. Sometimes things that are unattainable appear to be much better than they actually are. Realistically, how wonderful was this long-distance relationship? Did he travel to see you or were you the only one trying to make the relationship work? If necessary, seek counseling to get over this guy. He has moved on. You must do the same.

Q About a year ago, the guy I've been dating for almost three years asked me to moved in with him, and I agreed. I thought relationship that start out as friendships were a good thing. In the beginning, he was the nicest, sweetest man I'd ever met. That's why I fell in love with him. Everybody likes him. The problem is he's been married twice, and both of his wives cheated on him; even his girlfriends cheated on him. …