Girlfighting: Betrayal and Rejection among Girls

Girlfighting: Betrayal and Rejection among Girls

Girlfighting: Betrayal and Rejection among Girls

Girlfighting: Betrayal and Rejection among Girls

Synopsis

For some time, reality TV, talk shows, soap-operas, and sitcoms have turned their spotlights on women and girls who thrive on competition and nastiness. Few fairytales lack the evil stepmother, wicked witch, or jealous sister. Even cartoons feature mean and sassy girls who only become sweet and innocent when adults appear. And recently, popular books and magazines have turned their gaze away from ways of positively influencing girls' independence and self-esteem and towards the topic of girls' meanness to other girls. What does this say about the way our culture views girlhood? How much do these portrayals affect the way girls view themselves?

In Girlfighting, psychologist and educator Lyn Mikel Brown scrutinizes the way our culture nurtures and reinforces this sort of meanness in girls. She argues that the old adage "girls will be girls"- gossipy, competitive, cliquish, backstabbing- and the idea that fighting is part of a developmental stage or a rite-of-passage, are not acceptable explanations. Instead, she asserts, girls are discouraged from expressing strong feelings and are pressured to fulfill unrealistic expectations, to be popular, and struggle to find their way in a society that still reinforces gender stereotypes and places greater value on boys. Under such pressure, in their frustration and anger, girls (often unconsciously) find it less risky to take out their fears and anxieties on other girls instead of challenging the ways boys treat them, the way the media represents them, or the way the culture at large supports sexist practices.

Girlfighting traces the changes in girls' thoughts, actions and feelings from childhood into young adulthood, providing the developmental understanding and theoretical explanation often lacking in other conversations. Through interviews with over 400 girls of diverse racial, economic, and geographic backgrounds, Brown chronicles the labyrinthine journey girls take from direct and outspoken children who like and trust other girls, to distrusting and competitive young women. She argues that this familiar pathway can and should be interrupted and provides ways to move beyond girlfighting to build girl allies and to support coalitions among girls.

By allowing the voices of girls to be heard, Brown demonstrates the complex and often contradictory realities girls face, helping us to better understand and critique the socializing forces in their lives and challenging us to rethink the messages we send them.

Excerpt

No more sugar and spice and everything nice. Suddenly the world is filled with mean and nasty girls. Recently there have been a slew of popular books that tell us “girls just want to be mean,” and give advice about “how to tame them.” How could we not have seen it before? There were so many clues, after all. There was Amy Fisher, Tonya Harding, and Linda Tripp, all competitive and jealous and ready to take out their female rivals. All ripe for taming. the media agrees; in fact, it led on the story. Long before books on the subject emerged, talk shows, reality shows, soap operas, sitcoms, and feature films showcased women and girls who compete and fight over boys or status as the most popular girl. tv for the younger set is no exception. There are little Angelica of the Rugrats and Helga of Hey Arnold! regular cartoon Eddie Haskells, all sweet and innocent to adults and Wicked Witches of the West to other children.

The reason books and reports that depict girls as nasty, catty, and mean are so provocative is that they relay something both disturbing and familiar. It shouldn't be, but it is so true, we think. We women know this, don't we? We were victims or perpetrators once. We can identify. Men know it too—manipulation and duplicity have been part and parcel of the very definition of femininity. But this is exactly why such a caricature is so dangerous. Fundamentally, it's the same old same old. It's familiar because it conforms to all the old stereotypes we have of girls and women—as deceitful, complaining, and jealous. It's familiar because it's an old story about the essential nature of femininity—“girls will be girls,” naturally and indirectly mean; it's a stage all girls go through and from which most never emerge. and it's familiar in its trivializing, simplistic notions of girls' anger and aggression. Girls fight about popularity and boys and clothes. the fighting is all so, well, “girlish.” They cry, and as one author of a book on girls' social hierarchies . . .

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