Delusional Relationships: How They Are Formed, How They Falter and Fail

Delusional Relationships: How They Are Formed, How They Falter and Fail

Delusional Relationships: How They Are Formed, How They Falter and Fail

Delusional Relationships: How They Are Formed, How They Falter and Fail

Synopsis

This volume describes how culturally transmitted messages delude people about who they are and what they want in relationships. Expectations of mates, children, parents, friends, and business associates are based on stereotypes and misperceptions, and are therefore delusional. Our current educational system has failed to provide adequate information on relating, communications, and self awareness. As a result, disturbed or failed relationships continue to be a major source of pain and conflict. The results of gender based enculturation are graphically depicted. Both males and females will immediately acknowledge the process as similar to their own. The family system is discussed, clarifying the indelible imprint of early learning on subsequent relationships. Presented from inside the people experiencing delusionary relationships, this book gives the reader an opportunity to understand and identify with the process of attraction, relationship formation, disturbance, and restructuring. Depictions of therapy and treatment are included which furnish guidelines for restructuring delusional relationships with or without professional assistance.

Excerpt

At its core, a delusional relationship is dependent on a poorly organized network of information comprised of half-truths, misperceptions, and past experience. In the process of plying my trade, I have listened to thousands of people describe their feelings, attitudes, and behaviors. I have also witnessed their convoluted and tortured efforts to maintain delusion and avoid truth. This avoidance is not the result of cowardice, it is a normal and predictable human impulse to shield oneself from discomfort. Ironically, the dreaded discomfort provides the only sure exit to the dilemma. The experience of encountering truth can be as beautiful as it is uncomfortable. When the delusion fades, reality emerges. The core of the relationship is reformed, utilizing more accurate perceptions, which are based on the present rather than on past experience.

Regardless of the presenting problem, a persistent pattern emerges. People are generally unaware of the forces that have governed their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The choices they have made are more the product of social pressure than the result of conscious resolve. Their judgments about themselves and others have been determined by cultural injunctions, stereotypes, and symbols. In relationship formation, deluded thinking is the norm. This is true for everyone: delusional relationships are not limited to the clinical population.

As children, we are provided with limited role models: we see only those that are available in our immediate environments. These include only our parents, siblings, extended family, and perhaps a few neighbors. This is hardly enough to exemplify the richness of possibilities available to children for patterning human behavior and forming our identities.

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