No More Here & There: Adopting the Older Child

No More Here & There: Adopting the Older Child

No More Here & There: Adopting the Older Child

No More Here & There: Adopting the Older Child

Synopsis

Little has been written previously about adopting a child beyond infancy. Carney's book is a warm, down-to-earth, and at times humorous, account of an older child who grows up in her family. Her understanding and advice are based on the knowledge of deep involvement. As she draws attention to the dilemmas of the child who is meeting the many forced adjustments, she also recognizes the problems and feelings that are imposed on the parents.

Originally published in 1976.

Excerpt

When couples approach an adoption agency, their thoughts are usually of an infant, but there are some couples who believe they have room in their homes for that special child--the older child. These are the couples for whom this book is intended. No matter how determined they are to succeed (and determination is of paramount importance in adopting an older child), they will be faced with difficult and unexpected problems. This book does not aim to provide solutions but rather to assure the prospective parents that the difficulties and the accompanying feelings have been shared by others. It focuses deliberately on the child's dilemma in order to remind those parents, frequently discouraged by a seeming unresponsiveness, that their child desperately needs their perseverance. Furthermore, it attempts to convince parents of the needless strain they impose upon themselves when they strive toward the impossible expectations of experiencing immediate love for the child and of exerting a visible influence from the outset. the book firmly adheres to the belief that the parents must look realistically at their undertaking in the effort to attain success. They cannot afford to skim the surface, much less to indulge in self-deception.

The older child is defined as a child past two years of age. Obviously, the younger the child, the more smoothly the adoption is likely to run. But no matter what the age, the child whom necessity has pried from another home or who has never known the normality of family life, is scarred in some ways. He will need to learn to adjust, to trust, and to love. His adoptive parents must also learn, and at the same time, they must provide the direction and the strength for him to move. the task for both child and parent is demanding. Happily, it is rewarding.

This volume assumes that the adoption takes place . . .

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