Academic journal article Hecate

Lotus Hook

Academic journal article Hecate

Lotus Hook

Article excerpt

As a rule Chinese men don't make good lovers my mother said their hands are too soft their bodies too hairless and they have voices like little girls besides which they only think about money

She was the youngest in a great line of Cantonese moguls the Buried Army lived in our back yard she grew her black hair past her backside her cheongsams were mythologies

I dreamt I was the Phantom passing like a shadow . . .

When I was sixteen she took me to see Great Uncle Xui last of the late punters I stood with my head scraping the top of the doorway open at the scene to a millennium of monkey gods and clan clashes that spawned bloody Triad connections with Hong Kong - also mythologised like all family elaborations and wondered now the hell could I be related to such a race of tiny men?

Great Uncle Xui took one look up at me and wrote me off for marriage

He said I was too tall my hands too strong shoulders too wide hair like a man and the ring in my nose Did I think I was a cow? His diachronistic evaluation of feminine women came down to the size of my feet I was Bozo'd baby feminine women said he, are truly bound to the earth your great great great grandmother had the smallest tootsies in the region I only saw a black and white version of the gnarled and twisted perfection Her clawed foot?

Lotus hook I'm stuck on you like glue to a shoe . . .

It was my mother's fault give me a hirsute suitor anytime, she says She preferred them tall white and hairy so she married my father 'But mum!' I wailed from the womb 'I hate size 10!'

so I cut strips of placenta and learnt early the art of foot binding

I dreamt I was the Phantom passing like a shadow through falls of water I was a stranger in all lands

Hot on the heels of my birth my sisters followed the whole hole filled with holes even the cat and dog were female

to be alone my father would play chess on the toilet

Queen takes rook Queen takes night Queen that spleen Daddy'o

he stopped, when he accidentally flushed a piece down used a matchhead for the missing pawn

soon his whole board was full of matchheads one day

I'll take a flame to them

My father took the whole of our holes to the antipodes in a desperate attempt at a solitary game with the rain forests of Irian Jaya soon I grew like a wild animal naked in peau-de-soie pink with pink curtain palisades crowned by a pink lampshade & a pink bedspread & a pink dresser & pink knickers & pink dolls I chose this and wore my pink like a camouflage

then one day the dolls got haircuts

and pretty soon I was practising with my mother's shaver how to be that bald little Chinese man

Queen that rook Queen that lotus hook Queen that spleen Daddy'o

And I began reading Phantom comics by torchlight under my covers

autoerogony became second nature the dolls doubled up as sex toys my bed had become

a little bald pink hothouse

climbed rocks naked trees naked people's rooftops naked I swam naked I talked naked I was the little brown girl from borneo until they made me put clothes on

I dreamt I was the Phantom making friends with my shadow as I passed through water

One day I tied a rope around my sister's neck outa love and she's still alive

I dreamt I was a submarine passing like a phantom through the dark I was a stranger in all lands

When I was old enough I began speaking with my mouth full turning words with my tongue like love and rockets or

Nirvana is a luxury cruiser caught on a sandbar . …

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