Academic journal article Journal of Marital and Family Therapy

If You Really Loved Me

Academic journal article Journal of Marital and Family Therapy

If You Really Loved Me

Article excerpt

Gordon, L. ( 1996). If you really loved me. Palo Alto, CA: Science and Behavior Books, 154 pp., S14.95 (pbk).

In this practical, attractive, easily readable book, Lori Gordon, creator of the program Practical Applications of Relationship Skill (PAIRS), describes a series of concepts and exercises that can be used to break through some destructive patterns of interaction commonly experienced in relationships. Application can be made to oneself as well as to interpersonal relationships. Partners caught in a power impasse can benefit from her suggestions for changing unhealthy beliefs that translate into unfair or unrealistic expectations, which she terms "love knots." Her many concrete examples and clear models enable the reader to reframe sources of friction and frustrations in more productive ways. Creative and skillful dialogues are used to make the reader aware of destructive double-bind messages and ways to untangle them.

The reader is given a guide for discerning inappropriate exchanges, described under "The Scene," and contrasting information for a more appropriate handling of the situation, described under "The Rewrite." Although not all of these scenarios will fit everybody, they do help inspire the reader to think more creatively about reframing situations and understanding that there are more creative options available when conflict arises. …

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