Academic journal article Journal of Prenatal & Perinatal Psychology & Health

Parenting a Cesarean Child

Academic journal article Journal of Prenatal & Perinatal Psychology & Health

Parenting a Cesarean Child

Article excerpt

As a vaginally born parent of a cesarean born child my responsibility has been to help my non-labor cesarean born daughter, Felice, develop the parts of her that are a natural result of her cesarean birth, and learn some of the things that vaginally born people already know from their birth. She has to learn how to live in a world and express those parts of her which are natural.

One cesarean trait that I have discovered about Felice is that she makes a decision to do something with no preparation, thinking or planning. She doesn't do the goal setting I thought to be normal. Felice makes a decision to do something and it is as if goal setting is completely unnecessary.

As a child at the age of five she made a decision that she wanted to own a thousand dollar synthesizer. I tried to explain to her that we needed to sit down and plan how to accomplish this. I met you (Jane) around this time and first heard of your cesarean work. I tried to explain to Felice that we needed to discuss how to proceed, really doubting she would get the synthesizer. She just looked at me as if I were speaking Chinese and went out into the shed, found a couple of gallon jars and told me to teach her how to make alfalfa sprouts. I was a little nonplused. She just said she was going to earn money selling sprouts to buy her synthesizer. She didn't want to talk about who she was going to sell to. The only thing she needed right then was to know how to grow sprouts.

I showed her what the process was and in a matter of a day she had put together what turned into a thriving sprout business. Over the course of six months she also saved the money from birthday and other holiday gifts. There was no temptation factor about spending that money on anything else. It was synthesizer money. After six months she discovered a cheaper synthesizer that had all the features she thought she would have to spend a thousand dollars for, and she bought it. She was totally focused for six months.

Right now her life's goal is to become a professional singer and she will not entertain ideas for any other course. She is learning to play the piano, she knows that she also needs to become a capable actor. She is doing all of these things that are directly related to this goal. And none of it is work! There is no labor involved in any of it.

Jane: I have heard people say cesarean people don't have goals. And that never fitted me. What is true is that there is no labor in the process of moving towards the goal, not that there is no goal.

I have noticed with Felice that there is no working toward the goal. It is more like: "At some point I am going to be singer, therefore I am a singer right now. And being a singer, this is what I have to do." It's like the moment she made the decision to be a singer, she was a singer.

Jane: How would a vaginally born person do it differently?

For one thing there is The Work of becoming a singer.

Jane: But she is doing that.

It is the difference in the attitude. There is no work; there is no doubt. One of the things that has been hard for me to understand is that she has no doubt or anxiety once a decision is made. For fifteen years I have had to deal with the fact that once she makes a decision there is no doubt. There is just the process of living the decision. It drives her sister crazy. Rachel keeps pointing out how few people can actually support themselves being singers. Felice just doesn't want to talk about that kind of thing. It is immaterial. It is not a part of her thinking.

Jane: Mother once said to me that it seemed to her that I could do anything if I made up my mind to do it. That's very similar.

What is important is that she be what she has decided to be.

Jane: Did this pattern happen before she was five? and what were your thoughts about it before you met me?

Felice had to be socialized. She didn't get along with other kids in situations where anything got in the way of where she wanted to be. …

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