Academic journal article Field

Künstlerroman

Academic journal article Field

Künstlerroman

Article excerpt

Sometimes I think it began with the impossible

romance of an owl and a cat. The years my dad sang

me to sleep. Or it began with the silence he left.

Or it started with drawing butterflies I wanted

to collect. I wanted to catalog beauty. Pin wings

to a box. I wanted to be the kind of cruel

people would understand. Or maybe it began

in a medieval bestiary. How I learned about

Myrmecoleons and felt the shape of my teeth,

put my hand between my legs to check for sure.

I recognized competing hungers. Or it began

with little epiphanies welting my back. It began

with a lesson-never throw a bible out a car window.

Someone else teaches the places we can't reach-

Jesus's dialogue red as a snake bite before it scabs.

Or it began with moaned aubades at seventeen.

Or before the moaning, with the rap at the window.

Or before that, when I invented a vowel cipher

for the ghosts in my basement. …

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