Academic journal article Women's Studies Quarterly

One More Failed Attempt to Get over You

Academic journal article Women's Studies Quarterly

One More Failed Attempt to Get over You

Article excerpt

I find someone on fetlife that looks a little bit like you

and ask them to cosplay you and to use your name

for the homemade gluten-free dairy-free pizza date

we planned but never got to have and they come over

smiling with only half their mouth

which proves they've studied the photos

I felt weird about sending them

they hold my hip bones while I cook

they call me all the names you called me

they spin me around and press me into the counter

and kiss me so hard on my mouth I feel the scrape

and crack of skin soon the pizza is done

the crust is made of cauliflower they love it

they almost eat too much and I say

wait no you'd never eat that much at one sitting

because of your Jewish belly troubles

it almost ruins it but they sip

the Japanese whiskey you like and say

"I am so lucky to have you who loves me"

after dinner they ask to come to my room

they crawl into my gray sheets

I'm on top I call them your name again

I say tell me they say "yes yes oh yes"

the taste is wrong but

they touch me in the places you touched me

and did not touch me

they say the words you said

and did not say

their breathing reminds me of yours

and their voice old tobacco

soft belly round thighs

the hairstyle and contouring makeup are good

I almost can't tell I almost believe

I ask if they want to be held

of course they do like you did

they press their back into me

we are both fetuses

they are little spoon I am jetpack

forearm over belly fingers under ribs

I hold them all night like that

like we did

and for a few unconscious hours

everything is okay again

except that the smell in their armpits

is wrong all wrong. …

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