Magazine article UN Chronicle

It Is Not as If Somebody Said There Would Be No Miracle. (First Person)

Magazine article UN Chronicle

It Is Not as If Somebody Said There Would Be No Miracle. (First Person)

Article excerpt

I was born and brought up in a wealthy and educated family. My father is a military pilot, my mother a teacher. Thanks to my mother, the atmosphere at home was always calm and easy, and my father could often find some interesting activities and entertainment for us. I was a sociable and lively child with an inquiring mind, and I had many friends and close acquaintances. As I was growing up, I explored the world and was convinced that whatever might happen, I would have the support of my family.

After finishing high school, I chose the Institute myself. The competition was tough, but I used all my energy and spent 15 to 16 hours a day studying. And I was successful! While at the Institute, I decided then that I would have my own family only when I was able to support myself. I never discussed or condemned other points of view concerning this issue, but I was firmly convinced that my child would be born in a wealthy environment.

Having graduated, I decided to go to Kiev where, I believed, there were many more chances of finding a good job in the capital. While searching for a job, I needed somewhere to live and something to eat, so I earned a living whenever possible: I worked as a waitress, bartender and salesperson. My parents didn't support me much as they understood that I had to make it on my own. A year later, I found what I was looking for: a job in my professional field; young and interesting colleagues; an opportunity to show my worth; and a substantial salary (even by Ukrainian standards).

Not completely believing in my happiness, I rushed into this whirligig. Then I got acquainted with my future husband and after one year we got married. Six months later, I discovered I was pregnant. My family, friends and acquaintances were very happy for me, as everything happened as I had dreamed. I was very proud of myself and was sure that I deserved this happiness.

I registered at the Women Consultancy, a maternity clinic for antenatal care, but didn't take the necessary tests because of a lack of time. I took them around the sixth month of my pregnancy but ignored having an HIV test. Why should I? How could I contract HIV? However, the nurse said she would use the blood drawn in one syringe for several tests: PW (for syphilis), blood group, rhesus factor and HIV. After two weeks, I was asked to repeat the analysis because they said the result was positive. Interestingly, I did not react at that time as I thought that in my country nothing was ever done in a normal way without some confusion. I gave blood once more and waited for the results. For almost a month, there was no response. I started getting nervous. I feared that a negative diagnosis would come late and that all the maternity houses would refuse to register me because of this wrong diagnosis.

So I decided not to wait any longer and went with my husband to an anonymous centre where we both took the tests. In a week, I received the confirmation at the doctor's clinic. I was in disbelief. This could not be true. This was just a mistake. Maybe my pregnancy caused the positive result. But the doctor's next statement came like a snow avalanche: "Your husband has the same result." I left the room and went out not knowing where I was going. I was so thunderstruck that I did not notice the time, and returned home late and tired. My husband happily met me with a festively laid table. It was our wedding anniversary.

The next day, I told him everything and his reaction was similar to mine. We discussed our situation and decided for the time being to conceal everything from our relatives and friends. How could our parents help us in this situation? Would they look at us and realize that their children would die before them, and nothing could be done? For them, this would be a long-drawn torture. We also didn't inform our friends because they might blab out everything to our parents.

The next morning I woke up with a feeling of complete apathy towards myself and my surroundings. …

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