Magazine article The Advocate (The national gay & lesbian newsmagazine)

Project: Conception: Think It's Easy for Two Lesbians with a Sperm Donor to Get Pregnant? Mom-to-Be Sue Rochman Says, "Think Again". (Gay Parenting)

Magazine article The Advocate (The national gay & lesbian newsmagazine)

Project: Conception: Think It's Easy for Two Lesbians with a Sperm Donor to Get Pregnant? Mom-to-Be Sue Rochman Says, "Think Again". (Gay Parenting)

Article excerpt

In November 2001 my partner, Robin, and I agreed it was time: We were going to have a baby. I was so sure I'd instantly get pregnant that I figured out the baby's due date the day after we inseminated. And when this turned out to be my mother's birthday, I knew it had to be a sign. We had our names picked out: Ruby for a girl, Max for a boy. My sister had given me her old maternity clothes. We had stacks of onesies we'd bought on sale at Baby Gap. All we needed was the baby.

So imagine our surprise when months of "signs" went by and we still weren't pregnant. Gradually, without our realizing it, we had joined the ranks of the fertility-challenged who are "trying'' to have a baby. And we now had more in common with infertile heterosexual couples than we did with lesbian baby boom moms.

Over time the initial joy wore off, and trying to make a baby began to feel more like a second job. We were living our lives in two-week cycles. Two weeks until we can try again; two weeks until we know. We couldn't go on vacation. Neither could our friend who had agreed to be our sperm donor. Worst of all, my pregnancy quest had turned me into a baby-stalker who spent way too much time smiling at strangers' babies and staring longingly at children in their strollers.

After months of trying on our own, I learned through a series of fertility tests that we would need assistance. We moved on to fertility drugs and then frozen sperm purchased through a sperm bank. Initially we feared we'd never find the perfect donor. Now we've cycled through so many different donors, it's like the sperm-of-the-month club. (A good friend says I've become an official sperm whore.)

Most insurance companies don't cover infertility. They may cover the tests that can determine if fertility assistance is needed, but then you're on your own. …

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