Magazine article The Progressive

Sauce for the Teflon Goose

Magazine article The Progressive

Sauce for the Teflon Goose

Article excerpt

After gliding through the clouds of popular acclaim like a Teflon goose, President Bush has seen his poll numbers drop faster than a beer keg falling out of the loading bay of an airborne C-130.

There was the small problem of those sixteen little words about uranium from Africa. The whole nuclear threat turned out to be as vacant as Dick Cheney's conscience. Looking back, the only difference between the daily briefings of Iraq's Minister of Misinformation and Bush's State of the Union address was a beret.

Now no one wants to accept responsibility for that speech. As a matter of fact, you'd have an easier time finding a teenager enjoying a Kenny Rogers concert than anyone willing to go on record having ever seen the CIA's report discrediting the uranium claim.

Personally, the whole thing has been worth it to me just to see Bush going public with the confession that perhaps he misspoke, but if he did, it was simply because he lacked the proper intelligence. Finally. Admitting what we've been going on about for years.

The Teflon goose ain't quite cooked yet, but he's getting there.

Dear Secretary-General of the United Nations:

Hey Kofi. How's it going, bud? How's the missus? Hope you two had yourselves an excellent summer.

Say, about that whole "the U.N. is a quaint anachronism" and "the U.N. is a bunch of irrelevant wimps" and "the U.N. would rather sip chamomile tea than kick evil ass" stuff that went down last spring. Well, as you may or may not know, when a Texas boy swallows his pride, he's got to chug a fifty-five-gallon drum of castor oil to prime the chute, and that's what I'm doing. And, believe it or not, I got some experience with fifty-five-gallon drum-chugging.

What I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry. Might have gotten a little carried away there pre-war.

Well, as you probably read, the whole "shock and awe" thing went fairly well. …

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