Magazine article Insight on the News

Award-Winners May Have Been Happier Just to Be Nominated

Magazine article Insight on the News

Award-Winners May Have Been Happier Just to Be Nominated

Article excerpt

Byline: Stephen Goode, INSIGHT

Award-Winners May Have Been Happier Just to Be Nominated

This column long has bestowed what for the people calls its "Keystone Crook" award for remarkable stupidity in the pursuit of crime. This time the award goes, hands down, to an unnamed man in Surrey, British Columbia.

What did this guy do to merit this distinguished and discriminating award? He attempted to steal a roll of copper wire, which doesn't seem like much until it's understood that the wire he attempted to purloin was attached to a running generator. And, alas, the unnamed 41-year-old perp found himself on the receiving end of a 27,000-volt electric shock, according to a dispatch from Reuters. Not surprisingly, his shoes were blown off in the process, though he somehow survived. Not so surprising, too, was the fact that the police said the would-be robber already was "well known" to them.

For the people has other awards it's ready to bestow. A Lady Macbeth, "Out Damned Spot" kudo goes to a Russian man who, disgusted with a nasty paint stain on his trousers, poured a liter (a little more than one quart) of gasoline into his washing machine to deal with the problem.

After all, that's how dry cleaners take care of dirty clothes, right? Well, no, or they wouldn't stay in business long. In the inevitable and ensuing explosion, the man's kitchen and two walls of his Moscow apartment were demolished, according to an ITAR-Tass report cited by Reuters.

Also from Reuters comes material for two additional for the people awards. Top prize in the "Nice Try, But It Wouldn't Work Here" category goes to a Greek Orthodox bishop in Cyprus who is proposing that confession boxes be established in every school on his island nation. Whether caught smoking or committing other sins and misdemeanors that their young flesh is heir to, teen-agers then quickly can come clean. …

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