Magazine article New Statesman (1996)

Competition: Win Vouchers to Spend at Any TESCO Store

Magazine article New Statesman (1996)

Competition: Win Vouchers to Spend at Any TESCO Store

Article excerpt

Competition No 3865

Set by Gavin Ross, 17 January

We wanted updated seasonal proverbs and verse, given global warming, etc.

Report by Ms de Meaner

Hmm. A difficult one to judge on the length v quality front. OK, here goes. Cregan and Du Croz ([pounds sterling]5 book tokens); Swift, Curran, Morgan and Blake ([pounds sterling]10 each); Josh Ekroy and Katie Mallett ([pounds sterling]20 each). Josh Ekroy also gets the Tesco vouchers for going that extra mile.

In the mild midwinter
Balmy breeze made moan,
Earth was soft as butter,
Daffies stood alone:
No snow has fallen no, no snow,
Snow, no snow,
Since that bleak midwinter
Long ago.

The Darling Buds of February.

One parakeet doesn't make a summer.

Now is the summer of our discontent
Made glorious winter by this cloud of York
And all the light that radiated us,
Above the tall stratosphere suspended.
Now are our brows unsmeared with Factor 12;
Our cankered arms new-heal'd from their disease;
Health warnings changed to polluting ditties;
Within-door sojourns turn'd to rash outings.
Green-fronted eco-war hath dropped his guard;
And e'en now, instead of demonstrations
In Whitehall (cries of "Death to the car!"),
He drives a Porsche round Trafalgar Square
Amidst roaring of lecherous exhausts.
Oh, thus it is that I have grown three heads
And glow withal in darkness, crackling
When I walk, that e'en the mutated dogs
Do bark at me, as I hobble by them. … 
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