Magazine article New Statesman (1996)

Competition: Win Vouchers to Spend at Any TESCO Store

Magazine article New Statesman (1996)

Competition: Win Vouchers to Spend at Any TESCO Store

Article excerpt

Competition No 3880

Set by Ian Birchall, 2 May

You were asked for 150 words of text from the book or movie Ratzinger, or the title song from the film.

Report by Ms de Meaner

On the whole the songs were best. Hon menshes to Anne Du Croz for her last few lines ("Ratzinger!... /His heart is cold;/Ratzinger!... /Thank God he's old"), to John Griffiths-Colby for his first two ("Ratzinger./He's the man with the mitre's touch") and to John O'Byrne for the only mention of the "turbocharged Ratzmobile". The winners get [pounds sterling]20 each, the best of whom (Rosemary MacKenzie) also gets the Tesco vouchers.

Ratzinger.
He's the man, the man with the Papal Crown.
He'll put you down.
Such a Ratzinger.
Beckons you to give up a life of sin
And don't go in.

Papal Bull he will pour in your ear,
But his certainties are what you fear,
For a modern girl knows when he's dissed her,
It's the hiss of death from

Mister Ratzinger.
Flighty girl, beware of this papal scold
His truth is told.

Dogmatic words he will pour in your car,
But his views will be just what you fear,
For a modern girl knows when he's told her,
It's the ultimate scold from

Mister Ratzinger.
City girl, beware of this Man of God.
This heart is odd.

He loves only God,
Only God ... etc
ROSEMARY MACKENZIF

A throne room. Ratzinger, seated. Sharks swim in a pool at his slippered
feet. God abseils in and lands just in front. He stares, sweating, at
the sharks.
  Ratzinger: Ah, we have been expecting you, Mr God. You are just in
time to participate in a most intriguing experiment.
  God: You'll never get away with it, Ratzinger, you rat-enforcer! … 
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