Magazine article The Advocate (The national gay & lesbian newsmagazine)

Holy Hush-Up

Magazine article The Advocate (The national gay & lesbian newsmagazine)

Holy Hush-Up

Article excerpt

Great news! I have identified my next career. I had always planned to become a librarian after I retired from being a comedian. After years of trying to make people laugh loudly, I thought it would be fun to go around, index finger to pursed lips, bug-eyeing people into silence. Ironically, librarians are some of the loudest, staunchest supporters of free speech, so my activist needs would also be met. But with Amazon and Google people don't go to libraries much anymore, and I don't do house calls. So I despaired of ever finding a second career.

After a delightful Greek cruise with Olivia's offshore lesbians, it was in Italy that I found my next vocation. It was quite a culture shock to go from seven days of feeling free with my sea gals to plunging into Italian art and commerce. I tried to preserve that lovely presumption of lesbianism for as long as I could. We like to think the best of everyone. But when the voice on my serf-guided-tour headset kept telling me to admire the deft brush strokes of painting 47 without ever commenting on the grisly content of the rape of the Sabine women--or to note the well-executed detail in painting 49, the massacre of the innocents--I knew the illusion was finished.

At first we were cheered by the faded rainbow PACE flags strung from Roman balconies, but they were more about peace than gay trendsetters. We oriented our gay-positioning systems, found the gay bookstore, and asked Claudio, the very patient manager, where all the gay people were. …

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