Magazine article New Statesman (1996)

Abuse of Terms No 3938

Magazine article New Statesman (1996)

Abuse of Terms No 3938

Article excerpt

Set by Ian Birchall

You were asked to supply new terms of abuse using words at the other end of the sexual spectrum from that used by Chris Moyles ("gay" to mean "lame" or "stupid")

Report by Ms de Meaner

Most of you made the leap from "heterosexual" and "married" into total respectability--all the way up to "golf club" and "taxpayer". Good thinking, my doves. [pounds sterling]5 tokens for the singletons; the rest get [pounds sterling]15 each, except for Anne Du Croz, who wins [pounds sterling]20 and the Tesco vouchers. Welcome to newbies Ian MacIntyre and Philippa "Not Sure if the Comp is Open to Computerless Luddites" Legg. Perish the thought, Ms Legg.

Nuptial (napshorl): nagging, esp. to marry--"Had to dump her. She went all nuptial on me."

Spouse: to exploit, esp. financially--"Ain't havin' him spousing off my bank account no more."

Hetero: boringly conventional person--"This club's crap; they're all heteros here."

Bride: young woman who rejects her friends, seeking status and consumer goods--"Is she with us? Nah! She's an absolute bride!"

Wife (derog): teenage gang leader's sidekick (cf: Organ-grinder's monkey)--"I'll speak to the Big Man, not to 'is wife."

Wedding party: gang initiation ritual in which the recruit is beasted--"Bronco got tarred and fevvered at his wedding party."

Hitched: untrustworthy, owing to possible status as police informer--"Don't shoot your mouf off around Diggsy--he's likely hitched."

Anne Du Croz

Married: a tax dodger.

Hetero: has untidy room and terrible dress sense. …

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