Magazine article New Statesman (1996)

Brownites and Brownies: The War Starts Soon

Magazine article New Statesman (1996)

Brownites and Brownies: The War Starts Soon

Article excerpt

* The Labour leader is dead, long live the Labour leader! Blairites flocking with indecent haste to the incoming premier's cause have triggered bold predictions of an end of factionalism. But I bring you news of a new split: Brownites v Brownies. Big Gordie's praetorian guard, veteran Brownites who fought at his side over 13 long years, have taken to calling recent Blairite converts the Brownies. The zeal of the eager young recruits, excited at joining the pack, is a cause of both amusement and resentment. The Brownite v Brownie struggle promises to keep us amused for several years.

* Druggie Dave is finalising a reshuffle to counter Big Gordie. My Tory mole whispers that hairless William Hague (below) is lined up to replace tieless Francis Maude as chairman of the stunt machine previously known as the Tory party. The baldie tyke was assured over a beverage with Cameroon that he could be the comeback kid should ambitious "Boy George" Osborne nudge Druggie Dave under a bus. Perhaps the demands of a job in HQ, not conscience, explain why Hague sings less often for his supper these days.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

* Shivers down the spines of Brownies over the imminent return to government of a politico so loyal to Big Gordie he's even called Brown, Nick "Newcastle" Brown. The incoming premier's numbers man, the hidden hand in the leadership team, is guaranteed a top job. One Brownie cabinet minister prays every night to God (or should that be Gord? …

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